


Moth to a Flame

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Au - what if story, Ben has a mental illness, Ben is having a laugh, Ben's awkward courting, Child Abuse Mentioned, Comedy, He grows a conscious, Hux is Not Nice, Hux is not amused, Hux's awkward responses, Intellectual Games, Jedi Ben, M/M, Mental Illness, PTSD, Slow Burn, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, at first, canon shit will still happen, i think, im not the smartest person, intellectual flirting, just not Ben's story, pacifist Ben Solo, they were made for each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-02-24 12:07:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 10,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13213446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ben Solo was never entranced by the dark, but instead finished his training under his uncle and joined the resistance to fight the budding First Order.Several years later, the First Order gets notified that the Resistance is sending 'precious cargo,' from one system to another. In the hopes to intercept it, General Hux orders for every passing ship to be reviewed. One smuggler cruiser stands out from all the rest.





	1. Chapter 1

"Sir."

Hux looked up from his data pad, steel blue meeting unsteady brown, "yes?"

"Our scouts have intercepted a small smuggler cruiser. We believe it has ties to the resistance."

Hux signed. This was the twenty-third ship in ten cycles that was intercepted for being vaguely associated with the resistance. It couldn't be helped. The First Order had received a tip that a resistance freighter carrying precious cargo was going to enter this quadrant. With Snoke breathing down his neck, he couldn't afford to overlook one ship. Even a smuggler ship. Especially a smuggler ship.

He turned to face the officer, "how many crew aboard?"

"One, sir. He came quietly."

"Droids as well?"

"No droids, just the one smuggler."

One? Hux frowned, how could one man control an entire cruiser? And without droids. Would the resistance send one man with the task of transferring precious cargo?

"Have you checked the ship?"

"Yes, no cargo to speak of."

Hux's frown deepened. This was probably not the work of the Resistence. Still, the situation rubbed him the wrong way.

"You are dismissed," he turned back to his data pad, ignoring the officer's retreating footsteps. He had to interrogate this 'smuggler,' if nothing, to relieve the unease that plagued his mind.

* * *

 

The smuggler was sitting cross-legged, dark messy hair covering closed eyes, as Hux entered the room.

"Hello," the man said serenely in a deep baritone, opening calm hazel eyes to meet steely blue.

His calm demeanor was so infectious that Hux nearly forgot himself.

"What are you doing in this quadrant?"

"You're not asking the right question."

Hux blinked before his face darkened, "do not presume to give me orders. You are not in control here-"

"You're still not asking the right question."

Hux lowered his voice to a hiss, "I could have you tortured until you are willing to talk, but I am being courteous and coming before you without such methods-"

"Because they are distasteful and rarely bring about a true response."

"What?"

"You can make me sing like a parrot through torture. I'd be willing to talk about all my deepest darkest secrets, but you could never be sure whether what I say is fact or what you'd want to hear to make you stop. So what will it be? Will you humor me? Or would you like me to tell you what you'd want to hear."

Hux almost smiled. It was a long time since he'd spared intellectually with anyone, baring Plasma but even she would grovel to his command if it came down to it. There was something... Off about the man. What, Hux couldn't put a finger to. It was almost like there was a untapped darkness under all that serenity.

"How could I be so sure that you'd tell me what I'd want to hear without the threat of torture?"

"Catch me in a contradiction. You'll know then."

"What if you're a good liar?"

"And here I'd hope you'd be a challenge."

Hux truly smiled then. It was a harsh smile, full of teeth, "I accept your terms. What is your name?"

"Kylo Ren and yours?"

"Armitage Hux."

The stranger's- Ren's- calm demeanor flickered, "younger than I imagined you to be."

"Youngest general to grace the First Order," he preened with pride.

pride.

"Impressive," Ren whistled, "so tell me, Hux-"

"I'll be doing the questioning here, if you don't mind," Hux interrupted, "where is the rest of your crew, Ren?"

"You're looking at him."

"That is absurd, why would you be alone in a cruiser meant for three pilots and two gunmen? It's a wonder you didn't crash into us."

"Hey, I can pilot her fine all by myself. Take that back!"

"That is besides the point-"

A soft knock interrupted his sentence, "sir, you are needed at the front deck-"

"I'll be there," Hux looked down at his data pad. Had it already been three hours?

"Duty calls," Ren smirked.

Hux glared at the smuggler, but his heart wasn't in it, "don't get too cozy. I'll be back for you."

Ren smiled predatorily and Hux felt something in him shiver, "oh, I'm counting on it."

* * *

 

Much to Hux's chagrin, Kylo Ren managed to escape, leaving a few unharmed confused storm troopers in his wake.


	2. Chapter 2

"Ben! What the kriff were you thinking!"

Ben winced. His calm collected mother did not often curse, but when she did, he knew he was in for it.

"Mother," he began, beseechingly, "it's fine- I'm fine. I know how to take care of myself."

"You were captured by the First Order, weaponless-"

"Mom, the force is with me-"

"-they could have tortured you! Did they? Oh Ben-"

"They didn’t! Really! In fact, I got to talk to-"

"-We sent that intel out to divert attention, not to get you captured! Did they know who you are-"

"Mother, it's fine really! They don't know who I am, didn't even suspect! I'm fine! _I’m fine!_ ”

Leia turned to the third figure in the room, “Luke! Tell my son that he endangered himself for no proper reason!”

“Master, tell my mother that she is worrying too much.”

The prone figure smiled serenely at his sister and nephew, raising his hands up in surrender, “Leia, your son is fine and well. His mind has not been tampered with- but,” He turned his calm gaze to his nephew, “My sister has reason to worry for your safety, my apprentice. If they were to find out your true identity, they could try to sway you against us. They have before.”

Ben swallowed at his master’s words. He was right. When Ben had been but a child, he had been courted by the dark side. If Luke hadn’t come into his life and torn that shade out of his mind, he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be sitting here right now, the way he was.

“They didn’t find out, Master. In fact I’ve some intel on the First Order’s next course of action.”

“And how did you obtain them?”

“I might have rifled through an officer’s mind to get them-“

Luke raised an eyebrow at his apprentice until he squirmed.

“Fine, it was General Hux. He’s a lot younger than-“ Ben raised a hand as his mother opened her mouth to protest, “I know what you’re thinking, mom. He didn’t find out about me. He didn’t even feel me in there. Promise. I swear, he’s as force sensitive as a rock. He thought I was a smuggler.“

Leia pinched her nose in frustration, “What did you find out?”

“They found something, in the Western Reaches of the Inner Rim. Something force related, I can feel it.”Luke frowned, “Why hadn’t they pursued it yet?”

“Because they haven’t realized it’s potential. I’m sure they didn’t even report it to Snoke yet. There’s still time. We can get to it faster if we distract them.”

Leia’s lips thinned as she thought through the operation, “We’ll have to send a-“

“No, I have a plan,” Ben’s eyes sparkled in a way that Leia didn’t like.

Leia’s eyes widened in realization and dismay, “No, Ben, I’m not going to let you go in there alone again-“

“Mom, please, I know how to handle the General. I’ll just stay and distract them until you find it. No one gets hurt. Win, win.”

Leia looked at her son with a pained expression, “This is a war, Ben. There are bound to be casualties on both sides-“

“But there doesn’t have to be! We can win this without killing anyone! At least this time! Please, mother, let me do this!“

Leia frowned at her son. After she sent him off with Luke, something changed in him. He refused to carry a lightsaber or blaster, he disabled the weapons on his cruiser, and he isolated himself as much as possible, only coming out to talk to Luke, Han, or herself.

She turned to her brother, “Please, Luke, back me up here.”

Luke stared sadly at his student, “As admirable as your intentions may be, how would you react when they try to harm you?”

Ben brightened, “I’ll just force them unconscious like I always do.”

“Ben, you can’t do that to every opponent. You will one day find one you cannot force to submit to your ideals.”

“Well, until that time comes, humor me, Uncle,” Ben crossed his arms, “Let me do this.”

“You are making a mistake Ben Solo,” His mother said pointedly but didn’t refute him this time.

Ben grinned widely as he threw his arms around his mother, “Thank you for trusting me! I won’t disappoint you! Promise!”

With that, he left the room.

Leia watched him go with a sigh, “Foolhardy. Like Solo.”

“I happen to recall a certain princess who would run into the face of danger in hopes of saving a few.”

Leia chose to ignore that comment, “He’s going to get himself killed one day. Did you catch how he looked when he mentioned General Hux? He has no sense of self preservation!”

“Ben is right; you worry too much, Leia. The boy is fine. He knows what he’s doing. The force is strong with him.

Leia sighed, “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah he's a pacifist. You might not believe someone as volatile as Ren could be but he was courted by the dark before he snapped out of it. He realized all the horrors and atrocities he could have committed and decided to stay far away from all weapons. At least, that's my explanation.


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

After their strange encounter, Hux had not expected to meet ‘Kylo Ren’ again.

He’d certainly didn’t expect to see the man in his private quarters, casually strolling in just as Hux stepped out the the fresher.

“Guards!” Hux had yelled shrilly into the coms, locking himself in the fresher before the intruder could speak.

After a minimal amount of shuffling and an, “All clear, sir,” from Phasma herself, did Hux unlock himself of the fresher.

“What is the meaning of this?! How did this intruder manage to pass security and walk straight into my quarters?” He yelled at his masked lieutenant.

“Nice seeing you too, Hux,” Ren gave him a wry smirk that Hux chose to ignore.

“I’m not quite sure, sir, I’ll check with the security feeds,” Phasma answered calmly.

Hux loathed how _calm_ his subordinates were treating the situation. The intruder had casually walked into Hux’s _kriffing private quarters for force sake_. However, he was the general of this base. He had to act the part. He let go a long suffering sigh, closing off the panic and frustration that cycled in his mind before turning to Phasma, “See that this never happens again.”

“Yes, sir,” she answered, dragging Ren out of his quarters and into the interrogation rooms.

Only after the last of the stormtroopers walk out of his room did Hux realize that he was wearing nothing but a bathrobe.

 _Great,_  he sighed internally as he searched through the closet of a new set of clothes.

* * *

 

“It seems… the cams were altered.”

Hux glared at the flickering monitors, frowning. This couldn’t be the work of one man- “This has the Resistance smeared all over it,” Hux snarled.

Phasma turned to Hux, “General? I thought you said-“

“Forget what I said before, Phasma. Did you get him talking?”

“He refuses to speak to anyone, other than requesting your presence, sir. Permission to use extreme measures?”

“Permission denied. I’ll go interrogate him myself.”

“Is that wise, sir?”

Hux turned to Phasma with a raised eyebrow, “Are you questioning my methods?”

“With all due respect, sir, this man had not only passed through the ship undetected, but he managed it twice. I would consider it unadvisable to engage with him.”

Hux looked at his lieutenant for a long moment. _'So what will it be? Will you humor me? Or would you like me to tell you what you'd want to hear.’_

“I’ll play your game,” Hux chuckled lowly to himself.

“Sir?”

“It’s fine. He thinks of this all as a game,” Hux answered, walking towards the door, “Be sure to never allow this happen again or it will be on your head.”

“Yes, sir.”

* * *

Hux felt an odd sense of déjà vu as he entered the room to see Ren- _the intruder_  Hux chided himself- sitting in the same cross-legged position as the first time he met him, same dark messy hair covering closed eyes.

“Hux,” the intruder smiled at him, “Please, sit down.”

Hux frowned, “What did I say about giving orders?”

“It wasn’t an order; it’s a request.”

Hux remained standing, looking down at the handcuffed intruder, “Are you with the Resistance?”

He looked for a reaction but Ren only smirked, “I think it’s unfair.”

Hux furled his brows, “What is unfair?”

“That you get to ask all the questions and I can’t ask any in return.”

“As I told you, you are not in the position to negotiate what is fair or unfair-“

“I think I’ve already established the fact that I could leave at anytime.”

“I’ll have you know that I amped up the security-“

“It won’t be enough to stop me. Besides, I won’t ask anything harmful. I’m curious about you, Hux, the youngest general of the First Order. I’ll answer your questions if you answer mine.”

When Hux refused to speak, Ren sighed, “the first answer will be free. Yes, I am part of the Resistance.”

“I knew it! Rebel scum!” Hux hissed.

Ren smiled brightly, “Now my turn-“

“I don’t answer to you!” Hux grabbed the coms, “Phasma-“

“I’ve already disabled the coms and the cameras, so please sit down, and this time, it’s not a request.”

There was something cold in Ren’s voice that made Hux shiver. He sat opposite to the rebel and growled through gritted teeth, “It won’t take them long to figure out that you’ve trapped me in here with you.”

“I’m hoping it will be long enough.”

“For what? What are you planning?”

“To chat is all. What is your favorite color?”

_“Kriff off!”_

“Like you said, I’ve trapped you in here with me, general. ”

“I’m not afraid of you!” The general spat, lacking conviction. Ren was much broader and bigger than him. It wouldn’t take the smuggler- _no, the rebel_ \- much to overcome Hux, “You’d want to use me as leverage, besides.”

“What is your favorite color, general?”

Hux bit his lip. The question was completely innocuous and answering it could bide him some time for the troopers to come storming in.

“I don’t have one,” He said after a beat.

Ren blinked as if he hadn’t expected an answer and laughed brightly, “Pick one right now.”

“I gave you an answer now you answer this, what are you planning by this escapade?”

“I’m stalling.”

“For _what-_ “

“Nah-ah-ah! It’s _my_ turn! What do you like to do for fun?”

_“Argh!”_


	4. Chapter 4

“What do you like to do for fun?”

Hux sneered at the rebel, “I like killing Resistance scum like you!”

“Why?”

“You and your rebellious friends bring disorder to the universe! Once the First Order takes over, we will reign with a just hand!”

Ren frowned, dark eyes full of pity, “Is that what you truly believe? That killing people who disagree with you and subjecting others to your ideology will bring peace?”

Hux didn’t hesitate, “If the death of a few can bring about peace, then I will gladly take their lives.”

Ren stared at him with sad eyes that made Hux want to punch him, but he refrained from doing so. The intruder sighed, “It’s your turn to ask a question.”

In his righteous fury, he forgot the game they were playing. Hux sneered, “You owe me at least three questions for what I’ve answered.”

“Ask away.”

“What are you stalling for?”

“The Resistance has a task that I’d like you not to interfere with.”

Hux raised his eyebrows, he knew it! “What is the task?”

“I wasn’t informed.”

“Lies!” Hux snarled.

“Hey, I gave you an answer, it doesn’t have to be a satisfactory one!” Ren smiled, clasping his hands behind his back.

Hux froze. Ren’s wrists were completely free from his restraints. He should have known, how else would the rebel break the cams and coms, but seeing it…

“Hey, I’m not going to hurt you,” Ren said softly.

“How would I know that!” Hux snapped.

“I’ll give you my word,” Ren smiled in his boyish handsome way, “Now it’s my turn to ask questions.”

“Ask away,” Hux answered mockingly.

“What was your childhood like?”

Hux’s eyes widened, “What?”

“It’s a simple question. What was your childhood like?”

He turned away from Ren, “It wasn’t.”

“What?”

“My turn. What is the task?”

Ren frowned, “You already asked that question, general.”

“You didn’t give me a sufficient answer, Ren.”

Ren brightened, “You remembered my name!”

“Answer the question!” Hux snarled, angry with himself for letting that slip.

“I wasn’t informed, now my turn-“

_“That isn’t an answer!”_

“Well ' _It wasn’t'_  isn’t much of an answer either! Tell me what your childhood was like!”

Hux looked at his hands. They were clenched in hard fists in his lap, “Fine, you really want to know? I was taught the ways of the First Order before I learned how to walk. I clawed and climbed my way from the bottom to where I am now. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

There it was. That pitying gaze.

Hux didn’t stop himself from punching Ren this time. Unfortunately, Ren stopped him, “The Resistance found another force user.”

_“WHAT!”_

“Now, sleep, Hux.”

He recalled a soft kiss on his forehead before everything went dark.

* * *

“Sir!”

  
“There’s a pulse!”

“Get the general to the medical wing!”

“Yes sir!”

Hux opened his eyes, grimacing at the bright lights, as he was being dragged on a stretcher. He slurred, “What haaaappened?”

“Sir, we found you in here, unconscious, after the prisoner escaped-”

His brain suddenly cleared the fog as he yelled, “That kriffing bastard!”

“Sir! I’d advise-“

“Get me off of this kriffing thing! I’m fine-“ He stopped mid-stride, what happened in the time he was trapped with the prisoner? He padded himself down to find no wounds. Not even a bruise.

“Sir?” A medic droid asked hesitantly.

“I’m fine,” He murmured more to himself, brows furled, frowning, “Phasma, the security feeds-“

“Show nothing, sir,” She replied automatically.

_“Kriff!”_


	5. Chapter 5

“Rise, general.”

Hux rose to his shaking feet, eyes showing none of the sheer terror that he was feeling under the unyielding gaze of his supreme leader.

“Did you or did you not know of the existence of this new force user.”

It was a trick question, if Hux claimed to have known, he would be killed for treason; if Hux claimed he did not, he would be killed for negligence. He drew in a deep breath, “Supreme Leader, I-“

“I do not want to hear your excuses. First your misinformation of the Resistance’s operation, now this,” Snoke hissed, “This should call for more than a demotion, _general_.”

A scarred hand raised towards Hux, and Hux could feel a distinct rush of cold fingers carving through his brain. He screamed, eyes seeing white, as pain he’s never imagined sliced through him. Was this the end? Everything he worked for, everything he’s sacrificed… to end here? He had been nothing but loyal and this… this was his price? _Is that what you truly believe? That killing people who disagree with you and subjecting others to your ideology will bring peace?_

As suddenly as it come, the pain vanished. Hux found himself sprawled on the floor, head throbbing.

“You’ve been touched by the force,” Snoke observed coldly.

If he was of sound mind, his eyebrows would be on the ceiling. Touched by the force? He was no where near Snoke’s Knights-

“No… Jedi,” Snoke hissed before he laughed, loud and cold, “You may be of use to me yet, general.”

“Supreme… Leader? I have… not met with the Jedi,” Hux garbled, head cradled in his hands.

“But you have. Who is this Rebel you keep seeing?”

“Ren? He’s with the Resistance,” Hux gritted his teeth as he tried to stand, feeling oddly protective of Ren, “He’s not a-“

“Ben Solo is a Jedi,” Snoke smiled icily, “I am sending you back to your ship with one of my knights,” Snoke raise a hand to the side of the room where a shadowed lithe figure approached from the dark, “If Ben Solo is to come again, unarmed as you have shown me, capture him and bring him to me.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” Hux and the hooded figure said in unison.

—

Ben waded awkwardly around the hoards of cheering and clapping resistance fighters. They had undoubtedly succeeded in their mission and were celebrating to their fullest capacity, but he couldn’t cheer with them.

All he saw were corpses.

He knew it was an illusion of his mind but he couldn’t help it. Ever since he began his training, he’d have terrible nightmares about everyone he knows and loves, dying by his hand. It was why he refused to own a weapon, any weapon, in fear of what he could do. Not that it wasn’t possible to kill without a weapon.

He could strangle a dozen men and women with the raise of a hand and incapacitate more with his brute strength alone.

 _Do it_ , that chilling sweet dark voice said in his mind, _kill them. Kill them all. Let your darkness come out-_

 _No,_ He closed his eyes, willing the calm to return to him like his Uncle had taught him and inhaled sharply, drowning out the noise and voices around him until he was devoid of all his fear and terror.

“Hey man, are you ok?”He allowed the foreign arm to hook around him as he turned to the owner of the voice.

“I’m fine, Poe,” He said, serenely, a fatigued smile hanging naturally on his face.

“‘K, bud, well the general wants you in her office. And, just so you know, we know what you did. Good job man!” The arm patted him a few times in the back before it let go.

“Thanks, Poe,” He answered with a more genuine smile this time and headed for his mother’s office.

He opened to door to see…

A young girl staring at him with wide sharp eyes. The clothes she was wearing was torn and patched, her hair tied in three buns at the back. Ben inhaled sharply at the sight of her, feeling the pull of the force surround her.

She spoke first, “You’re like me.”

“Uh, yeah…” Ben said shyly.

“Come, Ben, is that your way of treating family?” His mother mused.

“What?” Ben and the girl said in unison.

Leia looked at Luke with a sly grin, “Why Rey here is your cousin.”

_“WHAT!”_


	6. Chapter 6

“Cousins?” Ben looked at Rey, than back towards his master, expectantly, “I thought Jedi were never to engage in the sins of the flesh.”

Luke glared at Leia, before letting out a sigh, “Well, there are not many Jedi left who may contest my actions.”

“But you’ve always followed the Jedi code religiously, Master.”

“Old rules are meant to be broken so new ones can take their place,” Luke said cryptically.

“So you’re my father?” Rey asked in bewilderment.

“I suppose so… yes,” Luke said hesitantly.

Suddenly, without preamble, Rey slammed a fist into Luke’s stomach.

“That’s for abandoning me in the middle of nowhere!” She yelled.

Ben watched, horrified by his _cousins’_ reaction, while his mother only smirked with amusement, “You deserved that, Luke.”

“That… I did…” his master held his stomach with a wry grin, “Now… for the more important issue,” He straightened himself, smoothing his wrinkled robes, “Ben, would you join me in training your cousin?”

“What?” Ben blinked, “But, Master, I-“

“It’s past time that you become a master of your own right, Ben,” Luke smiled.

“But…”

Images flashed through his mind, a temple in ruins, bodies strewn about, blood and gore everywhere, on the floors, on his hands and legs, emotions flying hot and heavy through him, a deep seated anger crying for more blood, _yes, give in-_

“I don’t think… that’s a good idea,” Ben looked down at his hands, seeing the illusion of blood drip down them.

“Ben,” Luke held his nephew by the shoulders, gently, “It’s time to let go of what never was.”

Ben stared at Luke’s face with unseeing eyes, “I… need to go clear my head.”

“Ben!” His mother yelled in concern, but he was already running, running through the thick crowd of joyous drinkers.

No one noticed when a small cruiser flew out into space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are you doing? Two chapters in one day! You are insane op! Yeah, I just felt like it. Sue me. This wasn't really long anyway.


	7. Chapter 7

Ben calmed down when he flew deep into Outer Rim space.

Here, alone to his thoughts, far away from his loved ones, he felt completely at peace.

He sighed.

It was not always like this.

When Ben was younger, he had a normal childhood. In his youth, he was quick to anger and prone to violence. His master would always comment on the similarities of him and his grandfather with a touch of sadness. At first he had not known what to make of it. Not until it was revealed that Darth Vader was his grandfather. That had been when the darkness in his mind was at it’s peak.

Ben shivered in remembrance.

Thank the Force his uncle sensed it.

When Ben had returned from practice, eyes shining dark, Luke had sat crossed legged on the floor of his hut, hand gesturing for Ben to join him.

During that 24 cycles of meditation, Ben had experienced the most harrowing visions of his life, seeing what would become of all his actions; the blood of his fellow padawans on his hands, the death of his beloved father, even of that of his master before him. In his rage, he would be responsible for the destruction of everything he believed in and cause genocides of thousands of races.

Right after that period, Ben destroyed his lightsaber, but peace would not come to him.

Long after, Ben would not be able to sleep, seeing all he could have done and would have done whenever he closed his eyes. He had stayed away, far from the other padawan and even his master, finding a quiet place to sit and meditate for hours on end, willing himself to think beyond the pain and torment he would have inflicted. It had taken a week of willful wakefulness and sheer exhaustion before he succumbed to sleep.

Luke had found him then, weary and greasy from the days spent out in the open, and brought him home, kicking and screaming. His master then taught him to clear his mind of his thoughts and fears in order to help combat the images his mind would conjure. It worked for a time but it was not a compete solution.

Ben watched the star cluster grow in the distance…

Wait…

That wasn’t a star cluster.

That looked oddly like the Finalizer-

_Found you._

A chill ran down down his spine.

What was _that?_

His ship beeped in warning as his cruiser gravitated towards the much larger ship.

“Shit!” Ben seethed, clicking through the controls. Something was not right here-

It was too late. His ship was too close to the other’s gravitational circle to get away.

Well, there was nothing for it. Just sit back and wait for the general to get him.

* * *

Hux waited at the landing with stormtroopers in hordes behind him. Snoke’s knight stood by his side, quiet as a shadow.

As the cruiser’s port began to open, he could see the tall figure saunter out without a care in the world, “Hey, Huxy. Miss me?”

Hux gritted his teeth, his life was on the line now, but he couldn’t help hissing, “Hello, Kylo Ren. Or should I say, Kylo Ben!”

Ben seemed to stop in his tracks, bewildered for a second, before roaring in hysterical fits of laughter, “I didn’t know you had it in you, Hux! That was a good one!”

“Yes, I know who you are, Ben Solo,” Hux sneered, ignoring Ben’s comment, “I’m-"

“So you do. Hey, now that you’re calling me Ben, can I call you, Armitage?”

Hux steeled his features, “No.”

“Come on, Armie! See! I already found a cute nickname that suits you!” Ben winked.

“Don’t you dare call me that!” Hux seethed.

“Get it? _Armie?_ As in the _army_ you have behind you? _It suits you? pfft!”_

 _“AUGH!”_ Hux threw up his hands in utter frustration.

“Ben Solo, I’m here to take you to our Supreme Leader,” Snoke's knight demanded.

Ben paled, taking a few steps back, “I- I won’t come willingly.”

“That’s how I like it,” the knight smirked, drawing her lightsaber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got the idea of 'Kylo Ben by the lovely FireChildSlytherin5. ^^


	8. Chapter 8

Hux was sure that Ren-no Ben Solo would take out a lightsaber of his own and proceed to engage in some inane fight sequence.

What he did not expect was Ben Solo raising his hands in surrender and allowing the stormtroopers to handcuff him in Force-proof restraints. It was… disappointing.

Snoke’s knight even looked miffed as she powered down her lightsaber and attached it to her side.

As he was hauled to the cells, Solo had the nerve to wink at Hux.

Hux sighed, dragging a hand down his face. If he sees Solo again, it would be too soon.

* * *

  
It was difficult to meditate with the absence of the force fogging his mind. Was this what non-force users go through?

He tried to connect a link with his master and failed multiple times.

It was useless.

He’d have to find some other way out.

Ben laid back against the wall. He had expected Hux to make an appearance but the general had wisely stayed away. A shame really-

“Can you fly a spaceship?”

Ben snapped out of his thoughts to stare at- a maskless stormtrooper.

His lips formed into a smirk, "and what if I can?"

* * *

"Change trajectory from system-"

"Sir."

Hux turned away from the screen, "What is it, Mitaka?"

"The prisoner... He escaped."

Hux stared at his subordinate for a long moment before releasing a long resigned sigh, “How did it happen?”  
  
“There was a traitor among our ranks, sir.”  
  
“Tell Phasma to discipline her troops… I’ll have to give a statement about this…”

"Snoke will be displeased," the quiet voice murmured.

"I know but he will come back," Hux answered.

"If he does not, it will be on your head, general," the voice continued.

"I know," Hux repied emotionlessly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay. I actually had this finished yesterday but had no time to post it.


	9. Chapter 9

“We’re almost there,” Ben yawned, stretching his legs onto the console controls, “Hey, what’s your name?”

The dark-skinned stormtrooper turned to face him, “What?”

“Name,” Ben answered, “I’m Ben.“

“I’m FN-2187”

“… That’s your name?” Ben asked, taken aback.

“Yes, sir-, yes..”

“There’s no way I’m going to call you that,” Ben scratched his temple, “How about… Finn. Imma call you Finn. It suits you.”

“Ok…”

“So, Finn, what’s Armie like? When he’s not on the job.”

“What?”

“Armie.”

The stormtrooper made a face, “Who?”

“You know who I’m taking about,” Ben smiled widely, “Armitage Hux.”

The stormtrooper’s face instantly stiffened, “The general is very strict and precise. He leads the Order with an iron fist-”

“Come on, you have to know more about him? About what he likes.”

“He likes to give speeches to the troops. I bet he’s making a speech right now about my betrayal-”

“Any hot gossip?”

“Well… the troops like to say that the prisoner- y-you… were probably his ex or something. That’s the last thing I heard before I found you…”

Ben stared at the trooper for a very long moment. Finn squirmed under the pressure, “I apologize, I shouldn’t have assumed-“

Then Ben let out a river of laughter, choking as he held his stomach.

“What else! You have to tell me more!”

“Well,” Finn continued, a secret shy smile forming on his dark lips, “They like also say that he put a stick up his ass when he was younger and never took it out to this day.”

Ben guffawed, “I’m going to see if that is true one day.”

Finn stared at him wide eyed, “I know it was said in jest but were you-“

“No, I never dated Armie, but he intrigues me,” Ben sighed with dreamy eyes, “Plus, he’s not a sore sight.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Finn’s mouth dropped, “To want to date that man… He’s a monster!”

“I don’t believe that,” Ben laid himself back onto the chair, “He’s just been misguided his whole life. I can understand that.”

“You haven’t worked with him,” Finn continued, “That man would kill his own father if it would benefit himself some way. Some people claim that he did so to become general-“

“Hey, don’t blow up rumors,” Ben pouted, “He has this very cute pout when he doesn’t get what he wants.”

“I just don’t understand!” Finn shouted, “How could you possibly think-“

_“Grounded.”_

Finn and Ben stopped mid-conversation to stare at the holo-projected image of General Organa, glaring down at her son. Kriff, he must have pressed something when he was stretching his legs.

“How… How much of that did you hear, mom?”

_“Enough to never allow you back into space again. Get your ass back here, Ben.”_

Ben began stealthily pressing buttons, “Uh… sure thing, mom.”

_“You better be docking or, so help me Force, I will send a battalion after you. Don’t think I won’t.”_

“Yeah, mom, sure,” Ben said absentmindedly as he began warp drive.

_“Don’t you dare-“_

But the comm link had already disconnected during the warp.

Finn stared at Ben, “You’re in deep shit now.”

Ben wiped his face, “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this has turned into crack, which surprises me because I didn't intend for that to happen. I have a serious part planned, so help me.


	10. Chapter 10

“We should go back-“ Finn made his way to the copilot seat when Ben stopped him.

“Woah, buddy, not so fast. If I go back there, there is no telling what mom will do-“

“But we have to warn the resistance about the-“

Before Finn could say anymore, a loud persistent beeping noise alerted them to incoming ships.

“Is that… a fleet of X-wings?” Finn said in a mixture of wonder and confusion.

“Shit, she really did send that battalion,” Ben muttered under his breath, “Well, there’s nothing for it.”

“So we’re going back?” Finn asked hopefully as Ben began to type in coordinates.

“Force no, we’re running!” Ben laughed, setting warp drive as Finn slapped a hand to his face.

The ship warped a few more times as the X-wings chased them.

“They’re persistent buggers,” Ben cursed lowly.

Poe’s handsome face appeared on screen.

_Ben Solo, return back to base immediately!_

“You’ll never take me alive!” Ben smirked at the holo before beginning to plan another escape route.

“That’s it! I’ve had enough!” Finn shouted, taking control of the counsel.

“Don’t you dare!” Ben yelled, as he fought to take control.

As they fought, the ship went into warp speed again… right into the path of the Finalizer.

“Kriff…” Ben gritted his teeth at the sight.

“KRIFF!” He yelled as the X-wings followed closely behind.

“Poe! Get your people out of there!” Ben screamed into the comms.

But it was too late. The Finalizer already deployed their TIE fighters, engaging the Resistance in space combat.

Ben could do nothing but watch as X-wing and TIE fighter alike exploded in a mass of metal and rubble.

And it was all his fault.

As he watched, horrified, Finn did the sensible thing and warped them back to the Resistance base.

“NO! NO! GO BACK! THEY’RE STILL THERE!!” Ben roared, trying to get back at the controls.

“I’m sorry,” Finn said sadly before punching Ben straight in the temple, knocking him out.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Minor Blood and violence mentioned

Ben awoke to yelling in the cruiser.

He sat up gingerly as his mother rushed over to him, “Ben, are you injured?”

“No, I-“

Before he could continue that disjointed thought, Organa slapped him across the face, “How could you be so stupid!” Tears glazed her eyes, “Going out there without a word! Do you not know what would happen if they got their hands on you? How many could die by your hand! Do you know how many we lost today due to your negligence?”

Visions appeared, unbidden. Images of broken young bodies, the exploding ships, the death and destruction by his hand.

“And you brought a Stormtrooper to base? Are you insane? What if the First Order followed you? How many would die because you wanted to do the ‘right thing’-“

His eyes widened in horror as his own mother’s face seem to pour blood out of every orifice. His vision seem to tunnel as cold laughter echoed in the back of his mind.

“Hundreds could have died today-“

“Leia stop!”

“No! He needs to know what could have-“

“LEIA!”

He looked down at his shaking hands and found a red lightsaber, “No…” All around him was death and fire, “No…”

“Ben,” he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Master,” Ben sobbed, “Make it stop. I’m so sorry. I didn’t-“

“It’s ok, Ben,” the calm voice continued, “What do you see, Ben?”

“Blood,” Ben cried, tears streaming on dirt caked cheeks, “death, fire, _so many bodies_ , Master, I-“

“Shhh,” his master called softly, “Calm thoughts, Ben. Think calm thoughts.”

“But-“ Ben looked down at the lightsaber and immediately dropped it, “It’s all my fault! I- I- _I was so angry!“_

“I know, Ben. Where are you?”

“The temple,” Ben turned to face to ruins, “It’s on fire. It’s on fire because of _me_ -“

“Where am I?”

“What?” Ben sobbed, confused.

“If you can hear me, then I must be somewhere there too,” the voice continued calmly, “Where am I?”

“Somewhere,” there was a flicker in his vision, “Somewhere safe.”

“Yes, come back here. It’s safe here.”

“Where is it- I don’t-“

“It’s ok, Ben, close your eyes.”

Ben closed his tear stained eyes, “Ok.”

“Now follow my voice.”

“Ok,” Ben answered in a childlike tone.

“Open your eyes, what do you see?”

Ben opened his eyes and saw the terrified faces of his mother and father and the calm face of his master. He was back on the cruiser. The blood and fire had vanished from his mind.

“Good job, son,” Luke smiled sadly.

“Mom, dad, I’m so sorry!” Ben sobbed.

Leia instantly composed herself and grabbed her son into a hug, “It’s ok, Ben. I’m here.”

Ben sunk into her, sobbing, taking comfort from Leia like he had when he was a little boy.

“AAAHHHAA WOORHHH!” Chewbacca cried as he put his arms around both mother and son.

“You are going to tell me what that was about,” Han glared at Luke.

“In due time,” Luke sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have PTSD but I have read stories about people who do. I am no way a professional so I can't say much on the subject other than what I've read about it. If this is triggering in anyway, tell me. (I'm not sure if this is PTSD, but that is the closest description I have to this. If I am wrong I apologize. Please correct me if that's the case. I was hesitant to tag this story as mental illness but Ben obviously has one so there.)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Talking about mental illness and mental illness symptoms. Also unhealthy coping mechanisms for mental illness.

Ben didn’t sleep that night. He didn’t sleep most nights, too afraid of what his dreams would hold. He curled in on himself, eyes closed, and meditated. It was what he did most nights. When the cycle was over, he reached in his pocket for a stim and injected it in his right arm. He sighed as the effects began to cycle through his blood system.

“When was the last time you actually slept?”

Ben jolted at the voice. He turned to see Han Solo, sitting on the chair looking absolutely exhausted. When did he come in? He hadn’t heard-

His father smirked, “You’re losing your touch, Ben. I never left.”

Ben’s eyes widened, breath hitching, “What do you mean?”

“Don’t play innocent. I watched you the entire night and I can tell you didn’t sleep. What’s going on, son?”

“Just get bad dreams, is all,” Ben answered with half-truths, “I don’t know why it’s such a big-“

“How long?”

Ben blinked, “What?”

“How long have you been having your ‘visions’?”

Ben swallowed, “What did Master say?”

“Luke did not say a word, preferring to be act all mystical like he does. He was never like that before,” Solo grumbled.

“What was he like?” Ben asked, hopefully.

“Don’t dodge, kid. I know your tricks. You learned from the best so you can’t fool me,” Solo continued, brows furling, “How long?”

“It’s really not that big of a deal-“

“Son, I haven’t seen you cry like that since… ever. You’ve changed when you came back from Luke’s training. Your mom said so too.”

“It’s not important-“

“Don’t tell me what is or isn’t important, Ben-“

“Drop it!” Ben snarled sitting up to his full height, before remembering himself, “Really, dad, I was just stressed-“

“Ben,” Solo said in warning.

“What happened to the others? Are they back?”

“Who? That isn’t important-”

“What happened to the battalion who went after me?“ Ben’s voice brokered no argument.

Solo stared at him for a long time, contemplating on if he should tell him or not. He let out a sigh, “Poe was the only one who came back…”

Ben stared at his father in wide eyed shock.

“Ben,” Solo sighed, walking sluggishly over to him, “It wasn’t your fault-“

 _“But it was!_ ” Ben snarled, breathing fast, “If I didn’t- We could have-“

He was shaking so hard he dropped the stim.

“Ben!” his father shook him.

“I killed them! _I killed them!”_ Ben yelled, seeing the explosions in his periphery.

“You did no such thing!” Solo pulled his son into a hug, “It wasn’t your fault, Ben.”

“It’s my fault,” Ben sobbed.

Luke burst into the room then, turning his gaze to father and son.

“You will tell me what is going on right now,” Solo snarled, “Or so help me, I will end you. Force powers or no.”

Luke sighed, walking over to the chair Solo left behind, “It wasn’t my intention for it to escalate to such a degree-“

“What happened?”

“Dad… let me tell it.”

They both turned to the still sobbing younger man, Solo frowning, Luke resigned.

“I was going to the dark side,” Ben began, pushing himself out of his father’s grasp.

“What? Like choosing chocolate milk over regular milk?” Solo interrupted with a small laugh, “Cuz, kid, I can’t tell you how many times I chose chocolate milk-“

“Like Vader dark,” Ben continued, frowning, “Like First Order, Snoke dark.”

Solo’s eyes widened in shock.

“Snoke was talking to me… through the Force…” Ben continued, tentatively, “And when I found out that Darth Vader was my grandfather… I let my emotions take control.”

“And you let this happen?” Solo snarled at Luke, “How could you not-“

“Master found out and sat me down and showed me everything I would have done,” Ben continued hurriedly, “It wasn’t his fault-“

“No,” Luke spoke, “It is entirely my fault.”

“Master,” Ben began but Luke held out a hand.

“I showed you those visions and they have been plaguing you ever since,” Luke said quietly.

“What visions?” Solo snarled, “What are you talking about?”

“I would have killed everyone, dad,” Ben cried, “I saw what would happen when I went to the dark side. When I became Snoke’s puppet. Master showed me to deter me from that path-“

“There were other methods I could have-“ Luke began.

“No. You knew that was the only way,” Ben snapped, “I would have let my rage and anger take over-“

“I could have told you the truth about your grandfather,” Luke said quietly, “that though emotions are to be cast aside by the Jedi Order, it was Love that ended the cruel tyranny of the Empire and saved the universe.”

“But the stories,” Ben started, staring at his Jedi Master, “They say it was you who saved the universe.”

“No,” Luke corrected, “It was my father’s love for me and your mother that saved us and brought his soul back to the light.”

“I don’t understand,” Ben said, brows furled.

“I’ve never told you that story, did I?” Luke said, smiling sadly, “It’s true that your grandfather’s soul was corrupted towards the dark, but towards the end of the war, Lord Vader killed his master Palpatine to save me. The effort it took killed him. He saved us all.”

“What? No- That’s not-“ Ben blinked the lingering tears in his eyes.

“Search your feelings, you know it to be true,” Luke stared into Ben’s brown soulful eyes to show that he wasn’t lying.

“But-“ Ben began, “The republic-“

Luke sighed, “They would never forgive Vader for what he had done in his life… But your mother and I forgave him,” He looked back at Ben, “Now it is time to forgive yourself.”

“What?” Ben stared, bewildered.

“You never forgave yourself for giving in to your feelings and listening to Snoke,” Luke continued, “But having feelings is not a terrible thing. It is what brought your grandfather back into the light. You never let yourself lose control. It is time to let go of your calm and feel again.”

Ben stared at his master for a long moment- _Blood, small bodies littered the ground, Poe lying among them_ \- and shook his head, “I can’t, master. I can’t.”

“Ben,” Luke began but Ben stood up and left the room in a rush.

Halfway into his mad dash, he realized he didn’t know where he was going. He stopped in a flurry of resistance fighters around him, brows furled.

Then, unbidden, Poe’s face flashed through his mind.

_Ben Solo, return back to base immediately!_

Resolve pulsed through him as he began to run…

And nearly toppled a young resistance fighter of asian descent.

“I’m so sorry-” Ben began in a flurry as the resistance fighter repeated the same.

They both laughed awkwardly, before the woman said, “I have to go-“

“Hey,” Ben grabbed the woman’s arm, “Do you know where Poe is at?”

“Poe Dameron? He’s in the med-wing.”

“Thanks,” Ben let the fighter leave before heading off.

When he arrived, Ben braced himself before walking in.

“Poe-“

But he needn’t have said anything.

Poe Dameron lay still, IV’s and bandages seem to cover his entire body wreaking of bacta. Ben sighed sitting on the empty chair near the bed, watching the unconscious man’s chest rise and fall, listening to the holoscreen play in the background.

“I’m sorry,” Ben began, feeling the grief and guilt well in him, “I’m _so sorry._ ”

“-the end of the republic!”

Ben blinked, that voice… it was familiar.

He turned to the holoscreen and saw… Was that Hux? What was he doing on the-

“New Republic lies to the galaxy while secretly supporting the treachery of the loathsome Resistance. This fierce machine which you have built-”

Ben watched, bewitched, transfixed, as the general continued the speech with reckless fervor. The words didn’t seem to reach Ben, but Hux’s emotions, the way he enunciated words… it was a beautiful rage.

Then he felt a sharp blade to the gut. It appeared and disappeared so suddenly he wasn’t even sure it happened. But there was a gaping hole to where there was life in the force. It was like hundreds of thousands of beings were there in one second and gone the next. It was nothing he’d ever felt before. It was not pain. Not emotion. Just… an emptiness in his entire being.

He keeled over, falling, falling. He was gone before he hit the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a terrible chapter. I am so sorry. It was so difficult to write and I'm still not happy with the end result. I'm sorry but this is all I can come up with.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Past child abuse

Ben awoke to soft wailing and sobbing.

He stood up, wiping the blood on his forehead with a brush of his wrist.

Though the emptiness still weighed on him, he was strangely calm.

For the first time in his life, he felt no fear, no anxiety, no emotion whatsoever. He was completely and utterly serene. And he knew what must be done.

He walked out of the med-wing, passing hordes of people in grief, and into the interrogation chamber.

Finn held his head in his hands, shuddering in soft sobs as he sat on the metal chair.

Ben stood before him, “Where.”

“Ben?” Finn dragged his tear-stained face from his hands.

Ben didn’t hesitate, he reached out a placed a hand on Finn’s head.

Finn jerked as images and memories flooded unbidden, “Don’t… Ben… No-“

“Sleep,” Ben said softly.

As the ex-stormtrooper head lolled back, Ben exited the interrogation chamber and and towards the launch bay.

“Ben!”

He turned around as he reached the hanger and saw his father running towards him.

“Ben, thank the Force you’re alright. Luke and Leia aren’t responding to me and Rey is no where to be found-“ Solo stopped when he realized where they were, “Ben, what are you doing here?”

“That is none of your concern,” Ben answered softly, walking towards his cruiser.

“Ben, what- No, don’t you dare!” Solo lunged at him but he bounced back as if he hit an invisible wall.

“You can’t stop me, father,” Ben said calmly, feeling rage build below the surface.

“Ben, you don’t want to do this,” Solo pleaded, “Come back to me.”

“I’m sorry,” Ben walked towards his father and placed a hand over his father’s eyes, “Sleep.”

* * *

Still riding on the euphoria of his success with Starkiller, Hux did not expect to see Ben Solo anytime soon.

So, when Lieutenant Mitaka notified Hux that Ben’s cruiser was coming to the Starkiller base, he was pleased with this arrangement.

“Notify Snoke’s mage. I’ll have some stormtroopers accompany me.”

“Sir, is that wise?” Phasma began, “This is a force user we are talking about. I’ll be happy to-“

“No, Phasma, you’ve worked hard; you deserve the day off,” Hux waved a hand in dismissal, “Besides, the man is harmless. This will be over quick.”

Despite Phasma’s rising apprehension, she deferred to Hux’s orders.

* * *

The first sign something was wrong was the rough landing the cruiser made when it touched down onto the base. Despite Hux’s mocking, Ben Solo was an excellent pilot begrudgingly enough. Hux shook off the uneasy feeling as the ship’s docking pad opened, revealing the shadowed tall figure of the Jedi knight.

“Ben Solo,” Hux began when he heard the snapping of bone beside him. His eyes widened as he saw from his periphery, the tall foreboding figure of Snoke’s knight collapse in a boneless heap of dark cloth and limbs.

The storm troopers immediately began to open fire but none of the lasers seem to even reach Solo as the Jedi calmly walked down the ship, dark eyes locked on Hux.

Hux couldn’t seem to move.

When the Jedi did speak, his voice was deathly calm, “Why did you do it?”

Hux couldn’t make his mouth move, his hands were shaking.

“Why did you do it?”

Hux flinched instinctively as his mouth opened to speak, “D-do what?”

“Don’t play coy with me, general. Why did you do it?”

“We- We are at war!” Hux shouted back, forcing himself to calm, failing, “What do you expect-“

His words were cut off as he felt an invisible hand grasp at his throat.

“That is no excuse,” the Jedi continued, voice dangerously low, “they were innocent!”

Hux’s eyes bulged, mouth gapping, gasping for air.

He couldn’t hear what the Jedi said anymore, his vision blurred as thoughts came to him unbidden, his father’s face, red and angry, _You’re weak-willed_ , large hands wrapped around a small thin wrist, _his_ wrist, when did his wrist look so small- _Thin as paper and just as useless-_

“Hux?”

_Father, please-_

“No... _What have I done? Hux!_ ”

_Useless, useless, useless-_

Then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Sorta... School's starting for me next week so I might not be able to post as frequently as before but I'll give it a shot. I do enjoy writing these.


	14. Chapter 14

Rey awoke, pained and disoriented in the midst of a small fire. She got up to her feet, mind instantly clearing as she stomped on the fire until it was out. The charred remains of a droid revealed in the aftermath. Once the small crisis was over, she felt it. A wide gaping hole in the center of her chest. It wasn’t physical but she gasped all the same, clutching at her beating heart. Then she heard the screaming. She walked out of the room and saw a group of resistance fighters huddling around a figure lying prone on the ground.

“Hey,” she called out, jogging over to the group, “What are you-“

“YOU KNEW! IT’S YOU’RE FAULT!” A girl no older than 15 screamed as she punched the dark blooded man on the floor.

“Stop!” Rey commanded, “Stop it! Now!”

Wordlessly, the girl did as Rey commanded. The group parted as Rey walked over to the prone figure on the floor. It was only then did she notice the storm trooper attire the dark man was wearing. The figure was saying something under his breath.

She shrugged off her unease and leaned closer to him, “what did you say?”

“We… need to… stop him,” The figure groaned.

“Ben?”

Rey and the others turned to see Leia Organa walking disjointedly around the corridor.

Rey stood, glaring at the the group in warning, before reaching her aunt’s side, “General Organa, are you alright?”

“Where’s my son?” Organa asked, her voice a tinge hysterical as she continued, “Where’s Ben?”

“Gone.” Rey and Organa turned to the voice to see an exhausted Han Solo, “I couldn’t stop him.”

Leia looked absolutely lost for a second.

“I’ll go find him,” Rey volunteered.

“No,” Leia closed her eyes before covering her grief with a hard expression, “We need to plan the next stage of attack.”

“But-“

“We’ve already lost one force user, it wouldn’t make sense to send out another-“

“Let… me…”All eyes turned to to the battered stormtrooper, “I know… the base-”

“I’m sorry, but you also know the location of our Resistance, I cannot allow you to go.”

“But-“ Rey began but General Organa cut her off.

“No, we’ve already lost so much… I’m not losing you too.”

* * *

Hux awoke in the med-wing, confused and disorientated. He tried to speak, but the sounds scratched at his throat. It was like he was five again, after one of his father's more violent episodes.

"Sir."

Deep breath, Hux turned his head, wincing at the pain, "how... Long..."

“5 hours, sir," Phasma replied.

Hux groaned and regretted it, "So...lo...."

"Gone. Sir, excuse my language, but what the kriff happened? The supreme leader's knight is dead so are the small squadron sent with you- to tell you the truth, I feared that you died too had it not been for Solo-"

"What?" Hux rasped, wincing as the word left his mouth.

"The Jedi practically forced air into your lungs, but he managed to escape as we tended to you-"

Hux sighed internally, blocking out the rest of Phasma's speech. This was a nightmare. Snoke's knight, dead, Solo escaped, again... it wouldn't matter that Hux just wiped out millions for the First Order's cause, Snoke was sure to punish him...

He almost wished Solo completed the job.

_What have I done?_

Hux furled his brows. Why hadn't Solo killed him? They were at opposite sides of an ongoing war. Hux had just dealt a devastating blow. It didn't make sense that Solo-

_Is that what you truly believe? That killing people who disagree with you and subjecting others to your ideology will bring peace?_

Hux laid in bed for a long time.

* * *

Rey was in the canteen when she heard the cruiser come crashing in. She rushed towards it with reckless abandon, taking steps two at a time to reach the landing.

She ran into the ship, searching, searching- "Ben!"

The dark messy head did not turn to greet her, preferring to stare straight ahead towards the glass.

"Ben?" Rey spoke tentatively, walking over to where Rey was sitting, when a hand reached her from behind. She turned to see Master Luke looking down at her with sad eyes, "let me take care this."

The Jedi master walked over to his pupil and put a gentle hand on Ben’s shoulder, “Ben.”

Ben turned around, looking lost, frantic, wild, “Master…”

Something must have passed between him because Luke rested his hand back to his side, “Oh Ben-“

“I almost lost myself, master, I-“ Luke wrapped his arms around Ben as the younger Jedi began weeping, “I-I-“

“Shhh, it’s alright,” Luke whispered into Ben’s ear.

“I killed them! It was so easy-“

“I know, I know.”

“I didn’t even need a lightsaber-“

“It’s alright, Ben.”

“Did I kill anyone here? I didn’t-“

“No, you only put them to sleep.”

“I think I shouldn’t- I shouldn’t- _be here!_ ”

“I think you need to lie down-”

“Ben, _what happened?_ ” Rey interrupted, concerned.

She gasped as Ben turned around fully to look up and her. His tan robes were caked with blood and a lot of it, “Ben, are you alright? Are you injured?”

She tried to take a step towards her cousin but an invisible wall interrupted her path.

“Now’s not the time,” Luke replied calmly, “Tell Leia that her son has returned.”

“But-“

“Go.”

Luke’s tone brokered no argument so Rey turned tail and ran off the ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I almost hate myself for putting in the Starkiller scene so soon. I wish I could have kept the humor between Ben and Hux for a longer time. Oh well, the plot must go on!


	15. Chapter 15

“Rise, general.”

Hux’s shaking stopped. What? Snoke wasn’t going to smite him down? Hux raised his head to meet Snoke’s gaze uncertainly.

The devil was _smiling_ , “This is surprising information, general. I’ve known that Ben Solo had potential, but you’ve seem to have drawn it out.”

“Drawn it out, sir?” Hux frowned but didn’t continue further.

But it seemed Snoke wanted to humor him, “You draw out Ben Solo’s dark side, general. More so than my pupil or even I ever could.”

Hux bit his lip, face growing white as he recalled the dangerous calm face of Solo as he massacred Hux’s men, “S-supreme leader-“

“Yes?” There was a dangerous lint to Snoke’s scratchy voice.

Hux shut his mouth, knowing that if he voiced his thoughts, he would find himself in a bacta tube or worse.

“You must continue to draw it out. Use any means at your disposal, general.”

“Y-yes,” Hux answered reluctantly.  
—

“The First Order’s attacking Takodana!”

“What? That makes no sense! Takodana is a smuggler planet; they’re not taking sides in this war!” Admiral Ackbar commented.

“So soon after the Hosnian system, are they trying to incite a war with the Outer Rim as well?”

“Man Kanata has been known to aid us from time to time but that should not warrant an attack. There is more to this,” Han Solo remarked.

“A holo has arrived from Kanata…” Vice Admiral Holdo glanced towards Leia, “It’s addressed to your son, general.”

Leia inhaled sharply, “Play the clip.”

The pale face of General Armitage Hux revealed through the holo. He looks tired but is hiding it through sheer force of will.

“Ben Solo,” the holo began, “Come to us, else we will destroy every planet associated with the Resistance to find the one you are on. Entire systems will not be safe from our wrath. The First Order will remain true to it’s word.”

The silence that permeated through the room was heavy and thick as all eyes turned to General Organa for guidance.

“Not a word of this to my son,” Organa advised.


	16. Chapter 16

Ben stood over the railing, watching the people down below scurry around like ants. The nightmares were worse than ever now, he saw Hux’s face in his moments of unconsciousness, saw the bodies fall around him as he lifted Hux up and up-

_Father, please-_

“Hey.”

Ben jolted up. He had been dozing again, much to his dismay. The image of Hux bleary eyed stayed in his mind as he turned to meet Rey’s gaze, “Heya cos, what are you doing up so late?”

“Could say the same to you,” she joined him at the railing, “Can’t sleep?”

He turned away from her, “Never sleep.”

“That can’t be good for you.”

“I know…”

They stayed silent for a while, watching the tiny ant people work.

“So, are you going to tell me what happened back there?”

“Not much to tell.”

“Then tell me,” She pushed in earnest.

“…” Ben watched the people down below, “Do you think that a person could change for the better? Even after they do something unforgivable?”

“Of course,” Rey stated this as fact.

Ben turned to look at her for a moment, before shaking his head, “You’re so naive.”

“We’re talking about General Hux, aren’t we,” Rey sang with a small smile, “You like him.”

Ben sighed turning away.

The smile wiped itself off her face, “You love him.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Ben continued, “He’s never going to change.”

“Vader changed,” Rey began, tentatively.

“Master Skywalker is Vader’s son,” Ben answered, “Hux never had someone in his life that he truly loved.”

“You can’t know that.”

“But I do,” Ben continued, miserable, “His father never cared for him, abused him. All Hux cares about is rising up the ranks and the Order. He’s never known anything else.”

Rey grabbed Ben by the shoulders and pulled him to face her, “Then show him. Ben, if you love this man, go get him. What are you waiting for?”

Ben turned his head, “I nearly choked him to death and…” he choked up, “He’s killed so many people, I can’t-“

“Ben, Vader killed millions, destroyed your mother’s home planet and she forgave him,” Rey continued.

“I can’t,” Ben seethed, “It’s- It’s tearing me apart! The call to the dark- I don’t know what could happen.”

“You need to confront this,” Rey urged, “Him. You are getting nowhere on your own. You are only hurting yourself more.”

“You’re right…” Ben wiped his face with the palms of his hand, “I need to see him.”  
———  
Ben was heading towards the launching bay when he was stopped by a row of officers, “Ben Solo, you are not permitted to enter this area.”

“What the kriff do you mean? Did my mother put you onto this? Just tell her I’m going for a joy ride-“

“No,” A female resistance pilot stated, “Please, Ben, we are under direct orders not to allow you entrance.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Ben’s voice was dangerously low, “Let me through-“

“We can’t let you go,” Han Solo walked over to his son, his mouth turned into a deep frown, “Don’t make me call Luke.”

“Why?! What is going on? Dad, can’t you tell me?” Ben pleaded.

“It’s for your safety, Ben,” Leia said with a finality that made Ben’s teeth grind.

“Mom! I am not a child! Do not treat me like one!” Ben snarled, before turning to the wall of people blocking his path, “Out of my way!”

“Ben, I cannot-“

“I need to see him-“

“No! And that’s final!” Leia commanded, “Ben Solo, you are to cease and desist unless you want to find yourself in prison for disobeying a direct order.”

Ben looked at his mother, mouth agape.

“Mom… What happened?” Ben asked, throat constricted, “What did he do?”

“He’s destroying planets, Ben,” Solo stated softly, “Hux is destroying planets to get to you. Please. Listen to us.”

Ben’s eyes grew wide, teary-eyed, “You never thought to tell me?”

“We knew you were struggling-” Leia reached for her son but he snapped away from her.

“No! You have no idea!” Ben yelled, his voice, hoarse, “I have to stop him!”

“Ben!” Solo pleaded.

“NO!” Ben yelled and a tundra of force swept all around him, knocking everyone near him off their feet.

He ran for his cruiser.

“Ben!” Organa yelled after her son, but Solo put a hand on her shoulder.

“It’s up to the Force now.”


End file.
